Elucidation

One thing that has always amazed me about the scriptures is how the translation of just a single word can alter the entire meaning of a verse.  I also love how you can read the same verse with the same translation multiple times and glean something entirely new and different each time.  For the past several weeks, our family has been attending Riverside Community Church in Eagle River.  So far we really love it- but more on that another time.  Anyway, the pastor has been doing a series on the characters of the nativity and one Sunday was focused on Joseph.  As part of the message he was discussing how the betrothal process worked in those days.  After the marriage was arranged, the couple would be engaged to each other.  This engagement was more like a limited marriage in those days and would often last about a year.  During this process, the husband after committing to the wife, would return to his home and the home of his family and would prepare a place for her to come join him and his family at the end of the engagement period.  I don't remember if the pastor brought it up or I just remembered on my own, but prepare a place for her (or you or me) is super similar to Christ's words in John 14:2 "In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you."

Growing up I felt a certain emphasis on the word "mansions."  I kind of came to believe and see this verse as some kind of reward system.  Be faithful, follow the commandments, complete your daily churchy checklist (ie say prayers, read scriptures, etc..) and in return you will have earned yourself a mansion in the sky.  Not a bad paycheck eh?

After learning about Joseph preparing a place for Mary so that she could come live with him and his family I started thinking that this must be what Jesus really meant.  Not some glory prize for a life lived well, but a place for us to come and live with Him and His family.  After all, doesn't Jesus constantly refer to Himself as the bridegroom?  I was able to find another translation of John 14:2 it reads, "In my Father’s house are many rooms: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. "  And then back to King James for John14:3 "And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also."

Maybe the difference between mansions and rooms seems trivial to you, and maybe it's just one of those aha moments that is hard to share with others.  Either way, this was very moving to me and brought so much of Christ's teachings together in full circle for me.  He loves us and wants us to be with Him and His family.  He isn't some clerk handing out gift certificates for the afterlife.  He is our friend and our brother and He is preparing to welcome us home.

Merry Christmas! 

Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith

Every six months my childhood church holds a general conference where prominent church leaders speak.  Last week my favorite leader gave a sermon regarding questioning your faith.  A quote from his talk is receiving a fair amount of buzz, “Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.”  I am sure that many members interpret this to mean one should be leery about any questions that would lead you away from the church- and perhaps that is what the elder meant.  However, one of the great things about literature whether it be a classic poem, the scriptures, or even musical lyrics is that they can have an entirely different meaning to different people and even the same person at different times.

Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.  Do you know what the archaic definition of doubt is?  It’s fear.  Doubt your fear before you doubt your faith.  I can’t tell you how many times in life I have made decisions based on fear.  Let me say, they almost never were the right decisions.  You can spend your entire life worrying and stressing about the unknown but you are battling a ghost and you will be miserable for it.  Within every religion you will find members and leaders that are happy and those that aren’t.  It baffled me for years until I realized it depended on what the individual was clinging to- fear or faith.  A spiritual foundation in fear stresses obedience, perfection, and eliminating sin (which is everywhere).  Fearful spirituality scrutinizes everything and everyone.  It is judgmental and exclusive.  On the other hand, faith encourages growth, exploration, love and trust.  It is forgiving, encompassing, and all inclusive. 

So for me, doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith means carefully examining whether your known truths, your attitudes and perceptions, are coming from a place of fear or faith.  If a decision or principle you live by involves the words can’t, should, shouldn’t, or have to, then probably something is wrong. “Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven…many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name?...And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you.”  Did you know that in the first four books of the New Testament, the books that follow Jesus’s ministry that the word obedience never occurs?  Nada, not once.  That’s because obedience is a system of fear.  The fear of what will happen (or not happen) if one doesn’t comply.   Fear and faith cannot coexist.  People may say they are following the rules because they have faith that there will be some reward at the end, but in actuality they are following the rules because they fear that if they don’t they won’t get the reward at the end.  Perhaps you think the difference is trivial, but to me it is huge!

As I walk my path I am having to carefully examine what principles and truths I want to take with me and what I want to dump along the wayside.  Some are trickier than others because they are so engrained in me and I have held to them for so long.  I have found however, when I let something go, it will either leave this nagging heavy feeling or it will just be missed.  The nagging heavy feeling is the stuff that has to go.  Beliefs based in fear dig into you and claw at you when you try to abandon them.  They yell and scream and make you feel guilty and less than.   Surprisingly, beliefs that are based in faith go quietly.  You could almost walk away and never look back, but then you realize you’re missing something in your life; like losing a best friend.  That’s how you know it’s a belief you want to hold on to.

   

If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you.

So the key aspect of my journey is choice and accountability- meaning that I am now actively making my own choices and not waiting for someone else to tell me what I should be doing and how I should be doing it.  And while that may seem quite liberating, accountability is only a step behind.  See when you cave to someonelse's influence or ideals whether good or bad, it is really impossible to take full credit for the results.  This really comes in handy when you fail, because their is someone else to point the finger at.  When your paving your own path, however, the outcome is laid at your feet.  This isn't altogether bad, but it can certainly be intimidating.

For me, part of being accountable is acknowledging that I have gained 45lbs since high school.  Yes, I can't believe that I am publicly posting this, but for anyone who has seen me in recent years its no secret.  I could blame it on my three pregnancies- but truth be told I weigh more now than I ever did at nine months with any of them.  I could blame it on my rare form of muscular dystrophy that has progressed significantly the past few years, but my facebook forum for LGMD shows others that have managed to keep the weight off.  No, if I am going to start taking control over my life then that means I am going to have to be accountable about my weight and my overall health too.  So here is my plan-

1- This has got to be about lifestyle changes not some fad diet.  So stocking up on fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean meats is essential.

2- The minute I'm told I can't have something it becomes all I can think about.  So no eliminating carbs, snacks, or desserts.  Although hopefully if I'm filling up on #1 then I won't be craving #2 as much.

3- Healthy snacks have to be accessible.  As soon as I get home from the store I clean and prep a ton of veggies and fruits into easy to grab and eat pieces.

4-Tea.  Sorry, I'm not a coffee drinker, but I love love love tea.  And the great thing is it's ZERO calories!  So I usually drink hot green tea with breakfast and either water or iced tea at lunch.  In the evening after dinner about the time Jer is ready to make a plate of nachos or pop some popcorn, I have found drinking a mug of hot chamomile tea does wonders for avoiding late night munchies.  It also is very relaxing and helps me wind down.

5- Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.  I don't know who came up with this theory but they're a genius.  Seriously.  I am not really a breakfast kind of girl, but lately I have been forcing my self to have either oatmeal, or Cheerios, or whole wheat toast w/ eggs, or whole wheat bagel w/ cream cheese and jam.  I have this super crazy early in the morning when I get up with Oakley so he won't have to have breakfast alone.  The tea helps, it's a nice way to ease into eating that early.  Anyway, I have found that since I started doing this eating healthy the rest of the day has been much much easier.

6- Rewards.  So I have developed a reward system for myself based on hitting five and ten pound goals.  At 5, 15, 25, and 35 lbs lost I get to go buy a new outfit.  At the ten pound marks I get bigger rewards.  The first is going to be a total hair make over.  Feel free to send in suggestions. I started this last week and should hit my first 5lb goal sometime next week so I'll post a picture of my new outfit hopefully next Friday.

So, I doubt I will let you know what the number on the scale actually reads or be posting pictures of myself, but I will keep you posted with how things are going.  Wish me luck!

Because straight is the gate and narrow is the way

I'm an American. Everyone I know is American.  All I know is American- the culture, the laws, the social dynamics, everything.  So when my husband jokingly tossed out some carefree comment of moving to the Bahamas while we were enjoying its pristine beaches one spring I smiled, but secretly it terrified me.  After all America is the country of all countries.  Living anywhere else would just feel wrong. Their laws would be wrong, their system of government would be wrong, their culture and values would all feel wrong.  Besides if I ever gave up my citizenship I would be denying myself and my future posterity the great blessings that can only come to US citizens...forever!

I'm also a member of the dominant religion of my community- at least I was until I stopped attending church two years ago and then recently moved out of state.  But for most of my life my religion was as much a part of me as my citizenship, if not more. Everyone I knew was a member. My mother's ancestors were there at its foundation and my father's parents had left their homelands and families to join the church as converts. It was part of who I was was. My genealogy, my culture, my social life, everything.  So when on occasion I visited other churches, I couldn't help but feel it was wrong. Even during the times I was actively rebelling and seeking a new church to attend none of them seemed right. They talked funny, or had a weird schedule, they smiled too much, they didn't smile enough.  They used the wrong scriptures, they repeated the wrong creed, something if not everything about their church was wrong. I had been raised to believe that there was only one path to God- through my church and if I ever left my church I would be denying myself and my future posterity the great blessings that can only come to members...forever!

So part of my journey here is to learn to let go of fear and to be more open to different religious cultures and beliefs. I plan to read various spiritual books and visit several different churches in my community.  Wish me luck!

My Path, My Journey

Life is a journey, but up until about three years ago I believed there was only one single vision of what that journey was suppose to look like.  I was raised in an upper middle class family with strong religious, political, and social viewpoints that mirrored that of my extremely non-diverse community.  This singleness of mind from just about everyone around me provided a sense of security and belonging, but it also created a very narrow path of how to act and think.  And while there were times that I diverged from that path I always came back, because ultimately I believed what I had been told my whole life- that it was the only way.  The only way for peace, the only way for happiness was following this very narrow path.  Then a few years ago something happened.  I hit a wall.  I hit a wall and realized I just couldn't walk this path anymore.  Why?  Because it's not my path.  This path was created by someone else with their dreams, their desires, their opinions, and their goals in mind.  Once I realized that, I was free.  Free to create my own journey, free to pave my own path.  But I was scared.  My freedom made me feel very vunerable.  I no longer had direction and I questioned my purpose.  So I've spent the past three years sort of floundering around trying to sort out what from my culture and upbringing I want to take with me.  Afterall it wasn't all bad, in fact there was a lot of good maybe even most of it, but certainly not all of it.  So taking what I want from my past and seriously considering what I want for my future, I am ready to start laying my own path ,day by day, cobblestone by cobblestone.