If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you.

So the key aspect of my journey is choice and accountability- meaning that I am now actively making my own choices and not waiting for someone else to tell me what I should be doing and how I should be doing it.  And while that may seem quite liberating, accountability is only a step behind.  See when you cave to someonelse's influence or ideals whether good or bad, it is really impossible to take full credit for the results.  This really comes in handy when you fail, because their is someone else to point the finger at.  When your paving your own path, however, the outcome is laid at your feet.  This isn't altogether bad, but it can certainly be intimidating.

For me, part of being accountable is acknowledging that I have gained 45lbs since high school.  Yes, I can't believe that I am publicly posting this, but for anyone who has seen me in recent years its no secret.  I could blame it on my three pregnancies- but truth be told I weigh more now than I ever did at nine months with any of them.  I could blame it on my rare form of muscular dystrophy that has progressed significantly the past few years, but my facebook forum for LGMD shows others that have managed to keep the weight off.  No, if I am going to start taking control over my life then that means I am going to have to be accountable about my weight and my overall health too.  So here is my plan-

1- This has got to be about lifestyle changes not some fad diet.  So stocking up on fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean meats is essential.

2- The minute I'm told I can't have something it becomes all I can think about.  So no eliminating carbs, snacks, or desserts.  Although hopefully if I'm filling up on #1 then I won't be craving #2 as much.

3- Healthy snacks have to be accessible.  As soon as I get home from the store I clean and prep a ton of veggies and fruits into easy to grab and eat pieces.

4-Tea.  Sorry, I'm not a coffee drinker, but I love love love tea.  And the great thing is it's ZERO calories!  So I usually drink hot green tea with breakfast and either water or iced tea at lunch.  In the evening after dinner about the time Jer is ready to make a plate of nachos or pop some popcorn, I have found drinking a mug of hot chamomile tea does wonders for avoiding late night munchies.  It also is very relaxing and helps me wind down.

5- Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.  I don't know who came up with this theory but they're a genius.  Seriously.  I am not really a breakfast kind of girl, but lately I have been forcing my self to have either oatmeal, or Cheerios, or whole wheat toast w/ eggs, or whole wheat bagel w/ cream cheese and jam.  I have this super crazy early in the morning when I get up with Oakley so he won't have to have breakfast alone.  The tea helps, it's a nice way to ease into eating that early.  Anyway, I have found that since I started doing this eating healthy the rest of the day has been much much easier.

6- Rewards.  So I have developed a reward system for myself based on hitting five and ten pound goals.  At 5, 15, 25, and 35 lbs lost I get to go buy a new outfit.  At the ten pound marks I get bigger rewards.  The first is going to be a total hair make over.  Feel free to send in suggestions. I started this last week and should hit my first 5lb goal sometime next week so I'll post a picture of my new outfit hopefully next Friday.

So, I doubt I will let you know what the number on the scale actually reads or be posting pictures of myself, but I will keep you posted with how things are going.  Wish me luck!

Because straight is the gate and narrow is the way

I'm an American. Everyone I know is American.  All I know is American- the culture, the laws, the social dynamics, everything.  So when my husband jokingly tossed out some carefree comment of moving to the Bahamas while we were enjoying its pristine beaches one spring I smiled, but secretly it terrified me.  After all America is the country of all countries.  Living anywhere else would just feel wrong. Their laws would be wrong, their system of government would be wrong, their culture and values would all feel wrong.  Besides if I ever gave up my citizenship I would be denying myself and my future posterity the great blessings that can only come to US citizens...forever!

I'm also a member of the dominant religion of my community- at least I was until I stopped attending church two years ago and then recently moved out of state.  But for most of my life my religion was as much a part of me as my citizenship, if not more. Everyone I knew was a member. My mother's ancestors were there at its foundation and my father's parents had left their homelands and families to join the church as converts. It was part of who I was was. My genealogy, my culture, my social life, everything.  So when on occasion I visited other churches, I couldn't help but feel it was wrong. Even during the times I was actively rebelling and seeking a new church to attend none of them seemed right. They talked funny, or had a weird schedule, they smiled too much, they didn't smile enough.  They used the wrong scriptures, they repeated the wrong creed, something if not everything about their church was wrong. I had been raised to believe that there was only one path to God- through my church and if I ever left my church I would be denying myself and my future posterity the great blessings that can only come to members...forever!

So part of my journey here is to learn to let go of fear and to be more open to different religious cultures and beliefs. I plan to read various spiritual books and visit several different churches in my community.  Wish me luck!

My Path, My Journey

Life is a journey, but up until about three years ago I believed there was only one single vision of what that journey was suppose to look like.  I was raised in an upper middle class family with strong religious, political, and social viewpoints that mirrored that of my extremely non-diverse community.  This singleness of mind from just about everyone around me provided a sense of security and belonging, but it also created a very narrow path of how to act and think.  And while there were times that I diverged from that path I always came back, because ultimately I believed what I had been told my whole life- that it was the only way.  The only way for peace, the only way for happiness was following this very narrow path.  Then a few years ago something happened.  I hit a wall.  I hit a wall and realized I just couldn't walk this path anymore.  Why?  Because it's not my path.  This path was created by someone else with their dreams, their desires, their opinions, and their goals in mind.  Once I realized that, I was free.  Free to create my own journey, free to pave my own path.  But I was scared.  My freedom made me feel very vunerable.  I no longer had direction and I questioned my purpose.  So I've spent the past three years sort of floundering around trying to sort out what from my culture and upbringing I want to take with me.  Afterall it wasn't all bad, in fact there was a lot of good maybe even most of it, but certainly not all of it.  So taking what I want from my past and seriously considering what I want for my future, I am ready to start laying my own path ,day by day, cobblestone by cobblestone.